My Orientation

Let me get this straight. Orientation pretty much leaves you disorientated. =) . Well, actually it doesn't, it leaves you kinda bored, I just wanted to play with the words =). The first week was kinda a blur because I was sleepy and blur and all. The plus side of this was I got to meet up with all my niggas, my nutcases and my nutjobs and let out all the pent up crap and stupid ideas I have accumulated in 5 months. Phew! Can't believe I said all that in one breath.



This was Day One.

Inner voice: Woohooo...this is gonna frigging awesome. Do note sarcasm.

Conscious mind: Shut the hell up!



Usually every year, the first day of school begins in the same o'le traditional manner. I had a horrible stomachache.*Echoes from Chung Ling toilet detect by orbiting satelites: OH DEAR GOD!!!!* So yeah, I can say that everything got off to an awesome start. In the hall, I was greeted by weng liang...haha one of my nutcases. Day one was boring and negative. Our bloody headmaster, Mr Y was busy telling everbody how we are not good enough for form 6. The only way he could have been more negative and discouraging was if he had physically grabbed each of us and haul our asses out of school eventhough he was already doing it verbally. Haha..if that should happen, I would be more than happy to give him a good kick to his "unmentionables". *Stops awhile to imagine the look on the vice principal's face and sniggers at the thought...the mixture of bemused shock and pain would have been priceless*

Day Two.

Sometimes in life, I wish I had the universal remote. During the time before a highly anticipated football match, I could fast forward to kick off. During an argument with a friend, I could pause and think of kickass one liners or long unending lines that would leave him uneasy and speechless.
(Friend leans on a wall while everybody is busy trying to finish the important portfolio.
Ben: Hey dude, the only way you could less productive right now was if you were in fact the wall you are leaning against which wouldn't be half bad coz you would be providing a jackass with a wall to lean on to contemplate on what a sorry jackass he is.
Friend: Wha...)
Ok, that was not original but it was still cool.
*Looks off into the distance, a hint of tears in his eyes, Ben thinks: Ahh..the sweet, blissful sound of victory.
Inner voice: Man, this guy is coo coo.*

During my time on the treadmill in the gym, I could press slow-mo if there was a hot girl jogging beside me and then...*sound of tyres screehing to a grinding halt* You know what, I'm getting carried away, lets get back to orientation.
*Inner voice: WHAT??!!! You have got to be effing kidding me...just when it was getting interesting.
Conscious mind: Shaaaad up!*

So lets fast forward. Just like a lousy sitcom which has too low a budget for build-up and goes straight to the punchline. It would be called Cutting to the Chase. The show where we skip the bluffs and bring you the laughs. Hmm...that was pretty good. Whats that, left hand? I'm-the-most-self-admiring, awesome-dude-in-the-world-self high five? Hah..right on! *Slaps right hand and left hand together*
Memorable scenes from Cutting to the Chase : Orientation

Qu Wern, Zheng Ying and I were talking about girls.
Qu Wern : I kinda like fat girls.
Zheng Ying : What? Fetish ar?
All three : LMAO

Zi Huang and I were standing in front of Qu Wern.
Zi Huang (looking at Qu Wern's shoes) : I bet you this guy doesn't wash his shoes.
Ben (sneering at Zi Huang) : I bet you Qu Wern is also tall.
Zi Huang, puzzled : What?
Ben : What? I thought we were all offering worthless information ma
Zi Huang laughs: What la...KL la you

Zi Huang, Qu Wern and I were walking back to the mini-hall. Zi Huang eating a donut.
Zi Huang drops his donut on the road, picks it up and blows it and continues to eat it.
Ben: What? You still eat it eventhough you drop it on the road ar?
Qu Wern: Food is very prescious to this guy la.
Zi Huang: Eh! You know people of the Si Chuan earthquake have food no matter what also eat ok!
Zi Huang: Damn! I'm thirsty la..Qu Wern, do you have water?
Qu Wern: Don't have. Go drink the tap water la.
Zi Huang: What?! Don't want la!
Ben : Eh! You know people of the Si Chuan earthquake have tap water also drink ok!
Zi Huang laughs: Benedict, you nowadays talking KL.

P.K. Tan Weng Liang (prom king..lmao) and I were talking about global warming. The lecturer's slide read : The earth is sick!!!
PK Tan : Earth sick liao ma give him panadol lo.
Ben : Really ar?
PK Tan : Really la!
Ben : Then where is the earth's mouth?
Both stare at each other then start laughing after realising what a pointless and stupid interchange that was.

*Slips out of fast forward mental mode and come backs to real life*
The rest of the days were boring except for game day which was quite decent to say the least. It was kinda fun. Hah! Ben enjoys games in Chung Ling..thats something new, maybe it has something to do with the fact that it involves water and there are girls this time...*tyres grind to a second screehing halt* Oh-kay, before I give too much away, lets just say games were pretty fun and furthermore, victor, weng liang and chuckie were in my group. We were like a group of nutcases howling and screeching our way through the games like a band of crazed banshees. I know banshees are usually female but we would have given them a good run for their money considering the fact that I now have a very sore throat.

*Tilts head to the left and day dream*
Jeff Foxworthy says:" Welcome everybody to today's edition of "Screech for your Bia-tch". In the red corner, we have the group from Chung Ling with their own masculine version of high decibel vocal chords. In the blue corner, we have our all time champions, the banshees. Now people before we begin you all have to promise me, the losing team has to tell the winning team: we are your bia-tch!!! Do we have a deal? Ok..lets begin!!"

Snapping out of it, mutters to self: That was one big load of crap. Phew! I can't believe I'm letting this out, reputation on the line, folks. Toodles.

Ending Credits for "Cutting to the Chase : Orientation" runs.....