My Advice From the Heart

Ah.."How to treat a lady"..a subject as old as time. And no one understands it better than a smooth-talking stud like.... =D

Since I live by the motto of sharing doubles joy and divides grief (except when it comes to food, you don't poke your hand into someone else's territory unless you wanna get your ass whupped, boy!!), here a little something something I would like to share because I'm a sharing and giving person and for the 7th time (I think.. xD) in my life, I'm being honest about it. Of course except when it comes to food because...

* DB: Oh shut up, we get the point*

1. When she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. (Or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say you better be. Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement and every girl needs some improvement.

6. If you're talking to another girl, make sure shes looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words "f**k you" and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition.

7. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.

8. Warm her up when shes cold...and not by giving her your jacket... Then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

9. Take her to a party. When you get there shell have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

10. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

11. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

12. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way shell go crazy.

13. Give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell on it. but not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.

14. Titty twisters and plenty of them.

15. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.

16. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

17. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just when ever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much but I think it's funny.

18. If shes mad at you for not calling her when you say you will promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now shell be really excited. Now don't call.

Of course, despite being a *cough*smooth *cough* machine, I did not compile all that, I found it. You know, being the nice and kind guy that I am, I wanted to help my fellow dudes out. Personal favourite : Number 6, made me laugh my pants off...ok not literally..

*Evil grin* Ah...The Joys of Sharing. It certainly doubles joy, mine at least. =)