My Name

You Are Lively and Courageous

You are full of energy. You are spirited and boisterous. You are bold and daring. You are willing to do some pretty outrageous things. Your high energy sometimes gets you in trouble. You can have a pretty bad temper at times. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row. You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace. People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily. You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind. A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable. You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life. You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home. You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You are very charming... dangerously so. You have the potential to break a lot of hearts. You know how what you want, how to get it, and that you will get it. You have the power to rule the world. Let's hope you're a benevolent dictator! You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person. You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life. You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you. At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself. You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in. You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising. You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

What's" Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Yes people. Read em' and weep. =)

My Blues

Oh sweet lord, is making me sick your way getting me in the mood for Christmas? Cause it ain't working, first food poisoning, then the world's worst head-splitting-feel-like-10 10 ton-elephants-sitting-on-my-head hangover headache I never thought was possible. Now a freaking viral infection. Gosh a sore throat, I can't even speak. Yeah huh, Me not being able to speak, I guess this is what it will be like when hell freezes over. =)

Man..being sick sure makes me moody and depressed. Its the middle of December now, holidays are gonna end soon and again I have that familiar I haven't accomplish anything feeling once more. I guess we all feel our life is gonna start or flourish at some point but we have to step out of our shells and our own restraints and insecurities in order to make that happen. Things don't just fall into place in life. If you feel something is meant to be, then you gotta fight for it and never an opportunity pass you by for some of them only come about once in a lifetime. I know this and I know the truth in this. But yet I still don't have the courage to take my first step. I know the time is now. The moment is now.

Neil Gaiman wrote:

Sleep my little babby-oh

Sleep until you waken

When you wake you'll see the world

If I'm not mistaken

Kiss a lover

Dance a measure

Find your name

And buried treasure

Face your life

Its pain, its pleasure

Leave no path untaken.

There is no secret to life. There is only one way. Live it. I know something is lacking and to find it, probably would be find what I've always been looking for.

My Cup of Coffee

Ben's lessons in life...

• Nobody wants to go into an elevator and be the one who sets of the beeper. You know, the one that tells you the elevator is too heavy or you're too fat. Either way. Because you see when you step into the elevator and the beeper goes off, there is somehow an added stillness and silence to the elevator. An awkward one. And for once, everybody in a place regardless of race, religion, belief or culture are thinking of the same thing and probably in unison too. They may be innocently staring at the elevator floor but you know they're thinking "Get out fat ass!". That why everytime i enter a crowded elevator, I pray.
• When you have food poisoning, never buy hot coffee from a vending machine because god knows how long that stuff has been in there.
• When you buy hot coffee, do keep in mind that the cup might actually be hot so you won't look like a fool in front of the people waiting in front of the elevator.
• When you get back in the elevator, remember that in hospitals there are two sets of buttons, one which is lower for people in wheelchairs so you would not have to bend down to look at the number on the buttons and then realise 10 seconds later that you look like a fool in front of the same people who were waiting in front of the elevator.
• Remember that you can't always look like an idiot, your life is not a comedy and you can't always be the punchline.

All that from getting a cup of coffee with cream. Amazing isn't it?

DB: With cream? Didn't you have a dream involving whipped cream last night? *chuckles* Haha it was..

Ben : Shaaad up!!

On a much lighter note, Whose Line Is It Anyway? is an awesome show. Its amazing the type impromptu crap they can come up with. Never seen a bad episode. Heres one I remember from the show.

"Going through puberty was a very difficult time for me, Cause it seems like everything around me excited me; So listen to me now cause this is not one of my rants, when you go through puberty do not wear sweat pants!" - Colin Mochrie

Guys will understand. =)

I also watched "Wanted". Awesome show. Ridiculous. But still awesome. How is it possible for you to bend a bullet! Woa..reminds me of my stupid nickname..Bend-your-dict=.= . Anyhuu, I wish I was meant for something bigger like in the movie, fulfill a destiny or what not. Life is so mundane, so uninteresting, so monotonous...damn!

Fantasizes..

In an old chinese temple in a land far far away...

Sifu: Are you ready young master Ben? Ready to fulfill the prophecy written in stone?

Ben : Yes master, I have never been more ready.

Sifu: Ready to fulfill your destiny as the world's biggest idiot?

Ben: What??!!

*Tyre screeches*

Hmmm...something went wrong in that fantasy.

Starts fantasizing again...

In a room full of immortals dressed smartly in tuxes...

Sifu: My son, are you the one?

Ben (excited): I could be the one.

Sifu: Yes you are. You are the most the insignificant a$$hole of the 21st century.

*Tyres screech again*

Damn... that line was from "Wanted".. aw man....

My Ice Cream Day

AB : Oh look who decided to blog again..
DB : After months of abandoning us...
AB : For god knows what reason...
DB : And now he shows up..
AB : Gay too! Just listen to the song he is listening to.

*Doktor Kosmos sings : Holiday! Holiday! Its the best day! An ice cream day! I am only happy when I have holi..holiday!

Ben : Oh sure this is gay! Not as gay as finishing each other's sentences..
AB & DB : What the hell! Whatever man.
Ben : Not as gay as saying the same thing together too for that matter!
AB & DB : What the..oh just shut up and blog!

Ah sweet sweet december! Ok that was a tad gay-ish sounding..*makes a mental note: damn it man..stop grappling with own sexuality =.=* Ah holidays away from the stress of school, its kinda nice to just stay at home and not worry about a single thing. Peachy actually!

DB : Peachy? Really dude? You have "peachy" sitting on the tip of your tongue?

Ok, fine, sweet.

AB : Oh sweet to replace peachy. Yeah thats much better.

Alright alright! It has been nice. Lets see highlights of this holidays.

• Went canoeing last week. It was kinda fun. Fun until an idiot..ok hold up lets take a second to define idiot shall we? Idiot : An individual who takes a single canoe even when he doesn't know how to paddle and paddles real quick to the middle of the sea to capsize or an individual who is terrified of ghost and decides to watch Mirrors. Alone. =.=. Anyhuu, I had to wait a full 5 minutes or so before someone saw me. And Lay Qi who saw me was nice enough to paddle up to me to "save" me by bumping her canoe against my bobbling head in the middle of the sea. Don't worry people! Ben will live! I am invincible and nothing can scare me..*cockroach runs past..Ben yelps and hops onto his chair*.
• Watched dvd at certain FT's house yesterday with Kok Oon and my sister, Alissa Lee Zheng Ying. XD. Disturbia was awesome and suspense-filled. And why oh why can't I ever get a hot neighbour. WHY???? Life is not fair. I wanna be Shia La-whatever, his last name is too complicated..guess if I had to go by pronounciation I would say Shia LaBoof. I mean come on, Megan Fox *takes a moment to daydream..weee...* and now this girl in Disturbia. Life is not fair!!

Anyway its the 3rd week now, gosh time flies!! I really wanna enjoy this holiday you know, make it memorable and worthwhile. But I just don't know how to get there.

My Christmas Moment

One fine day last week....


Ben sings : Deck the halls with smiling faces..tralalalalalalalala...

AB : Du-ude, its October.

Ben : Bringing joy to sadder places...tralalalalalalalala...

AB : Seriously man...you gotta..what the..

DB (wearing a santa hat)sings : Here comes Santa Clause...here comes santa clause..right down Santa Clause lane...Vixen and Blitzen and all his reindeers pullin' on the reins...

AB : What is the heck is wrong with you two? Its freaking October...everyone knows Christmas is in December...oh wait a minute..only the sane ones know..which makes one around here and thats me!

DB (still wearing the Santa hat) croons: Angel, you're being naughty and a joy killer. No presents for you. Weeeeee...

AB : Take that hat off.

DB : No.

AB : Take it off.

DB : I have heard someone tell me that before but it wasn't my hat they were asking me to take off. You know what I mean? *sniggers*

AB : Oh hell no... *tackles DB and both fall off Ben's shoulder*



Ah, I really love Christmas. Its the time of the year where I'm the happiest and feel like a kid again. And now its only two months away. I'm so freaking happy!!



*Mentally goes bungee jumping to celebrate..jumps off the cliff...


WooohooooooooooYeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaWooohooooohoooooooohahahahahaTHIS IS SO FREAKING AWESOME!!!


*snap*


Wait that was not the rope was it?


AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Oh My God Nononononono

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhh...

My Reason To Cling

" Tree Hill is just a place somewhere in the world. Maybe it's a lot like your world, maybe it's nothing like it. But if you look closer, you might see someone like you. Someone trying to find their way. Someone trying to find their place. Someone trying to find their self. Sometimes it seems like you are the only one in the world who's struggling, who's frustrated, or unsatisfied, or barely getting by. But that feeling's a lie. And if you just hold on, just find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will find you and make it all okay. Because we all need a little help sometimes. Someone to help us hear the music in the world, to remind us that it won't always be this way. That someone is out there. And that someone will find you." - Lucas Eugene Scott

My Silent Corridor ( A post for me)

(Warning : This is a long boring post I wrote for me. No lame jokes this time. So if you got other things to do right now, I suggest you skip this.)

Since I started this blog, it has always been my happy place. The place I came to dump all my crap, sarcastic quotes and ideas. I have always tried to keep it that way, I have never tried chronicled any of my feelings and thoughts because like I said, this was my happy place and my place of Zen. But lately things have gotten so crappy and so out of hand, something more than an 18 year old should deal with. I'm justly plainly overwhelmed to the point of suffocation. So I figured maybe chronicling my thoughts would somehow help release the stress that is fast turning unbearable.

It was after table tennis. I just snucked out of the hall and to the corridor of a form 3 class nearby and sat there. It was nice, overlooking the plants, the sun beating down on it and the bell erected there in the middle. I was alone and totally alone, which was nice as it allowed me to be alone with my thoughts and just try to make plain sense of what I have been going through. A nice quiet mental monologue.

I began to think how I got to where I am today, how things were so different during the more carefree days. Things used to be simple back then, come to school and just plainly enjoy talking and laughing with my friends. And it was nice because it was easy. I never knew that it was noticeable and visible until a friend asked me why am I so moody lately? School used to my place to escape everything, it was like going to sleep at night and for awhile, your dreams feel real and there are no worries or troubles that plague you. Just your dreams. That was what it was like spending time with my friends but I can't even do that lately. Sure, I put on a charade and that big 100 watt smile but inside I don't feel anything anymore...somehow. Joking was my thing and I'd tell my friends stupid stuff, things I have heard and when they laughed, it made me happy too. But now whenever I tell a joke or try to, I get this strange, hollow feeling on the inside that I can't even begin to fathom. Even when people are laughing because of it. Laughing along used to be fun, now its just so I don't feel weird .Laughter is nothing more than a hollow bray. Even the comedies, my stress killer, that which makes me happy for a short while don't seem to have any bearings anymore. And if I lose school and my comedies, I honestly don't know what I have left.

Sometimes when I talk to my good friends, especially the dong from australia, I feel like the old me again. Suddenly a wave of quiet confidence and reassurance comes across me. But these moments are fleeting. And then they are just gone. You know something is screwed up when you are stuck to trying to find who you were and just try to be that person again. When I say I need a vacation, I mean it. Away from everything, just me in a place where nobody knows me and maybe somehow that person might come back again. All happy, nice, sarcastic and maybe funny.

Somewhere along the line, something went wrong. I just don't know what. Something triggered all the things that bother me that I have been trying to hide. I tell myself I have to be strong for the sake of those closest to me, but theres comes a point where a man, actually a boy can't take it anymore. The burden becomes overwhelming and he breaks down and nothing else matters anymore. I can only do this much to handle it before it all comes crashing down.

I guess I just gotta figure stuff out. This corridor monologue was nice. It allowed me to just think and try to talk some sense into myself. It was nice. Peaceful and serene. For awhile. I need to find a place in school where I can just escape and be alone. The stairs of the second floor that I go to during free periods obviously don't work. I sat at the corridor for almost half an hour I guess before the sounds of the scraping and folding tables reminded me that I had to get back to the hall. Well, I guess right now, I just gotta find one thing. The one thing I have lost while getting caught up in all this. The one that is the most important to me. Who was I before all this? How was I like before all this? I just don't wanna lose my friends because of the person I'm becoming as I know, just as much as I feel like I'm falling apart this time, I can't keep up the everyday happy facade up for long. Pretty soon I might be loner. Or maybe I'm already becoming one what with my escapes.